I’ve been in my relationship for a little over a year and a half. We’ve been living together since the beginning, a big mistake, but that’s another article. We started discussing marriage casually from the beginning, and the discussion got slightly more serious about two months into our relationship.
In the beginning the marriage discussion was very simple and not really specific to our relationship. We simply stated to each other that we were looking for serious relationships with the intent of finding someone to settle down with, neither of us was looking for a relationship simply for the purpose of finding someone to pass time with. We were both at that point where we wanted to find someone to settle down with.
Then two months into the relationship the marriage discussion became more about us, and less general. We discussed how we felt our relationship was going, the problems that we still had to work on and the things that we liked about one another. I was really excited that perhaps I had finally found someone that I could spend the rest of my life with. But I knew that we were still in the honeymoon period and so I was aware that there would be a lot of work in the future to truly make the relationship marriage ready.
Now that we have been together for over a year and a half, with many supposed proposal times come and gone, I am starting to wonder if this is truly the person I was to spend my life with. Before taking any decision, you must gather full knowledge about the partner. An application can be installed to catch a cheater in the relationship.
Our relationship is complicated by many unconventional things like our living together from the beginning and the fact that this is an interracial relationship. In the beginning these two factors added excitement, but now they add arguments.
Our cultural differences and the fact that we never really earned trust from one another, we simply had to give it to one another has made our arguments explosive and repetitive. So, with a year and a half gone by, and the arguments still being argued, how long should I wait for a proposal, if I should even wait for one?
I know that generally women marry younger, and they are generally more anxious about the proposal, but when is it rushed and when is it simply not coming?
The first Christmas we spent together there was a hint dropped that perhaps the next Christmas would involve a ring. Well that came and went without a ring. I was patient, even though the marriage talk continued, and both of us continued to state that we wanted to marry one another. Then the year and a half point passed without a ring, even though there was talk of proposal around New Year’s.
For each of these opportunities passed there was some form of excuse, finances, wanting to help his family members, not feeling I was ready, etc. But then when I forced a serious discussion about a timeline the truth began to come out. And this is where is gets complicated.
About three months into our relationship my mother passed away from Breast Cancer. I had a hard time dealing with school and work, and knowing that school was a priority I was unable to work as many hours as I could have under normal circumstances. This meant that he paid a majority of expenses while I was grieving. When the discussion about marriage became more pressured and I asked for some kind of timeline it came out that he still felt resentment for those months when he had to deal with a majority of the financial responsibilities. So this leaves me wondering, if he still hasn’t let go of that resentment a year later, will he ever? And what about in the future when he will be making more money as an architect than I will as a teacher?
In the beginning when we discussed how long was too long to wait for a proposal we both felt that a year to a year and a half was enough time to determine if someone was the right person. Well that time has come and passed and we are still simply a couple in a relationship without any form of long term commitment, so while I acknowledge that our relationship if highly unconventional, if it started that way, I imagine it will stay that way. So, will he ever want to marry me?
My patience is wearing thin, and my resolve to this future marriage is fading. I’m almost done waiting, whether that waiting ends in a proposal or in me moving on solo.
I know some people date for years and years before marrying, but we both said we weren’t those people. So when you ask yourself how long is too long to wait for a marriage proposal just remember that everyone is different, and when you discuss a timeline upfront, that timeline should hold true unless you discuss together a change to the timeline.